This is one of those posts that feels low-stakes because let’s be honest here: Amy Klobuchar is going to win the DFL primary. However, she’s going to do it without my vote, so I do need to figure out who to vote for instead. (Editing to add: someone on Bluesky complained about people who thought Hillary Clinton had it in the bag and they could cast a protest vote. My friends, this is a primary. A primary is a fine time to cast a protest vote.)
On the DFL ballot:
Mohammad Wazwaz and Murad Alshloo
Po Vang and Mark Frascone
Ole “Viking” Savior and Ashley “Skol” Johnson
Bill E Gates J.R. and Leah Harris
Thomas Evenstad and Jason Haarsager
Kobey J Layne and Paul Ference
Amy Klobuchar and Ben Schierer
Mohammad Wazwaz and Murad Alshlool
Mohammad’s site offers a deeply generic platform (“Increase healthcare access in rural and underserved areas” is one bullet point. “Cut red tape for small business owners and startups across Minnesota.” Everything on his platform is like this. I wanted to joke about how it’s so generic he might have stolen it from Amy, but that’s unfair to Amy, who has some actual specific proposals on her site.)
One of my biggest concerns about Amy is a deep distrust that she’ll stand up for vulnerable groups such as trans people and immigrants. The bullet points on Mohammed’s site are as follows: “Protect immigrant families and create pathways to economic participation; Ensure equal access to education, healthcare, and legal services; Stand against discrimination in all its forms.” (He is not himself an immigrant, nor were his parents, per his website.)
His site says he’s a “business owner, community leader, and advocate for working families,” but with zero specifics (what kind of business does he own? what has he led people to accomplish? what sorts of advocacy has he done?) When I went hunting for more info I found a lot of Mohammed Wazwazes but I think they were all other people. Anyway: he’s a potential alternative to Amy but if the message you wish to send with your vote is “be more progressive” or “stand up for trans people,” Kobey Layne is a better alternative.
I’m genuinely not even sure how to characterize Po. He’s very anti-Israel and anti-ICE. One of his proposals is a “Super Anti-Ice Castle Law”: he wants to pass “ironclad Castle Doctrine laws so families and immigrants can legally defend their homes against Trump’s ICE raids and unlawful federal intrusions.” He self-identifies as a cripple and his site says “vote for the cripple, not for the retards” (he also uses this as a catchphrase on his social media). He’s a huge crypto fan and wants to give Minnesotans cryptocurrency “to start building real wealth.” Over on his Twitter he re-tweets a lot of absolutely unhinged right wing commentators and also posted identifying himself as MAHA (RFK Jr.’s “Make America Healthy Again” pseudoscience/antivax movement) and accusing Israel of assassinating Charlie Kirk.
I’m not going to vote for him.
Ole “Viking” Savior and Ashley “Skol” Johnson
Ole has been a perennial candidate since the mid-1980s. Probably the high point of his career was in 2010, when he was allowed to briefly address the 2010 DFL State Convention and made a pitch for changing the mascot from a donkey to a unicorn. If you really want to know more about this guy you can find a whole lot of random stuff here (under “Additional Information”) but none of it is information about policy proposals or political views. I’m not going to vote for him.
Bill E Gates J.R. and Leah Harris
Bill E. Gates is not to be confused with the other, more famous Bill Gates, who is not currently running for governor of Minnesota. This Bill Gates describes himself as a centrist, has a 78-page PDF of his “governing platform” that manages to be filled with eye-glazing detail and yet offers zero specifics of stuff he wants to do, and his one endorsement is from Republican congressional candidate Angie Windhauser, who says, “The Holy Spirit whispered in my ear: ‘Loyal, Faithful Servant…there HE is, the next GOVERNOR of Minnesota!’ It is my Honor to support and Officially Endorse, Pastor Bill E. Gates, Jr. as the next Governor of Minnesota 2026. God Bless You Mightily!!!” (He put this on his website verbatim.) I don’t actually see anything on his website that indicates he’s a pastor; I kind of wonder if God got him mixed up with John Krhin (one of the Republican candidates for governor) while whispering in Angie’s ear. I’m not going to vote for him (honestly, if I wanted a moderate I’d probably be happy voting for Amy.)
Thomas Evenstad and Jason Haarsager
Both of the men on this ticket were convicted of serious sex offenses in the late 1990s / early 2000s. I would strongly suggest that if you’re considering voting for this ticket that you run Thomas’s name through the Minnesota Court Records System and do a little browsing. This post from Mercado Media is also worth reading.
Kobey J Layne and Paul Ference
Kobey is running as the progressive alternative to Amy and managed to mount enough of a challenge to her at the DFL convention that she was able to make a speech and force a written ballot (on which she got 28% of votes.) Kobey is trans, and I absolutely trust her more than Amy to protect trans rights, despite the fact that (this is the concern I’ve heard raised about her) she was a Republican as recently as 2022.
Kobey is young, and her political journey is one that a lot of young people make when they leave home (especially when they grew up in a small town) and learn new things about themselves and about the world. She has a master’s in public policy and worked as a legislative assistant; this is a fully symbolic vote and yet I also find it reassuring that in the improbable world where she somehow becomes governor, she’s not rolling up with zero idea of what she’s doing. Anyway, I’m going to vote for Kobey.
Edited to add: Kobey, on her website, explicitly pledges to stand behind the nominee.
Amy Klobuchar and Ben Schierer
I mean, realistically, Amy is going to win the primary, and I will take her as governor over anyone running as Republican, but I’m not going to vote for her in the primary, because she has been chronically disappointing on a huge number of points — centrally, her cheerful business-as-usual bullshit as Trump and his lackeys do their best to make it impossible to dislodge Republican rule while stripping us of fundamental rights.
The reason why progressive are surging around the country in primary races is that progressives are actually behaving like we’re facing an existential threat, rather than just fundraising off it.
I think I mentioned up above that her website has some specific proposals (more than Muhammed’s website). Here’s an example: “Make state services mobile-first. Make state services fully accessible on a phone – if a service can’t be completed on a phone, it isn’t moving at the speed Minnesotans expect.” This is, frankly, where Amy has always excelled and why she’s popular: she’s good at spotting low-hanging fruit and getting it in the basket. Ambitious: no. Will she protect trans Minnesotans and immigrants: I mean, she probably won’t attack those groups, making her better than the Republicans, but I am not optimistic about her fighting for vulnerable groups. Will she make everyone’s life better in some small but tangible ways: probably. Is that better than what Republicans will do: yes. And if we give her a DFL legislature that sends her good bills, I think she’ll probably sign them.
But she’s going to have to make it through the primary without me or my endorsement, I’m voting for Kobey Layne.
And now, a quick tour of the absolute horror show that is the Republican candidates.
John Krhin and Dennis Conn
Ross Nova and Kerry Busby
Loner Blue and Andrew Maass
Mike Lindell and Phillip C Parrish
Raul J Estrada and Joe Kincaid
Lisa Demuth and Ryan Wilson
Kendall Qualls and Brian Nicholson
John Krhin’s website looks like fan art for The Handmaid’s Tale done by someone who thinks Gilead is aspirational.
There were two things I took away from browsing through Ross’s website. The first is that he was adopted internationally as a child, and yet didn’t become a citizen until after serving a tour in the US Army. That is deeply fucked up and his parents, who adopted internationally and yet didn’t take the steps to get him citizenship as a child, are deeply irresponsible people who failed him. (It worked out for Ross but a number of other people in his position have been deported. These days naturalization is automatic for adoptees, but this was not always the case.)
The second is that Ross has written 43 proposed bills, all (almost all?) of which have some sort of cutesy name that spells something out. This would be more entertaining and fun if it weren’t for the fact that the very first one proposes to ban from all streaming services anything that “Promotes or endorses transgender ideology or gender transition; Portrays or promotes homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, or cross-dressing behavior in a positive
or normalizing manner; or Encourages rejection of biological sex or traditional male and female roles.” Fuck this guy, but also, he should have received his US citizenship as soon as his parents had completed the adoption and the way he frames it (“His military service also led to one of the proudest moments of his life: becoming a United States citizen”) is a scathing indictment of the people who brought him to North Dakota from Bulgaria, whether he intended it to be or not.
Loner Blue and Andrew Maass
No campaign website; the link just goes to Loner Blue’s Facebook page. For a quick rundown of why you shouldn’t vote for Loner, check out the post from two years ago and scroll down to the comments section.
Mike Lindell and Phillip C Parrish
Does anyone really need a rundown of the MyPillow guy? He’s a conspiracy theorist and fascist wannabe who has spent many years and a mountain of money promoting Trump’s election denial. He very well may win the primary because Minnesota Republicans love to lose and hate women and Black people, and Mike is the front runner who is a white man.
Raul J Estrada and Joe Kincaid
Raul is a weirdly old-school red-baiter who uses a lot of violent rhetoric on his site. (“ERADICATE Socialism at the root.” “We need people that are experienced in hitting back….and hitting back hard.”) Back in January he was trying to get people to go to the far-right rally that was allegedly going to march through Cedar-Riverside. I think this was the rally that turned into Jake Lang being pelted with water balloons as he attempted to hide in a city hall window well.
It’s frankly weird to me that Raul would buddy up with the sad wet Nazi, because he’s Native American. I know there are some extremely conservative Native folks but partnering with white supremacists seems like an odd choice.
Absolutely everyone knew that Lisa Demuth was the strongest contender vying for endorsement at the GOP State Convention, and yet they didn’t endorse her. Unlike Michele Tafoya she’s got unimpeachable anti-abortion and pro-gun credentials and actual legislative experience so I am forced to conclude that Minnesota’s Republicans hate women.
Lisa Demuth partnered with streamer and noted piece of shit Nick Shirley to gin up paranoia about Somali-run day cares in Minnesota, which gave Trump an excuse to send thousands of ICE agents to beat, harass, kidnap, and murder Minnesotans. Lisa defended Metro Surge and claimed it made Minnesota safer. So, you know: she can absolutely go fuck herself. But she was by far the most plausible candidate in the Republican field and they endorsed Kendall Qualls, who (like endorsed Senate candidate Adam Schwarze) is so obscure he doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page. (“Is that really fair to point out? Republicans HATE Wikipedia, they call it ‘Wokipedia.'” Okay, but neither of them are in “Grokipedia” either, I just checked.)
(It’s possible that by posting this, I will shame some Republican into putting together Wikipedia pages for Kendall and Adam, but as of June 28th, neither has one.)
Kendall Qualls and Brian Nicholson
Kendall Qualls is running on the “I’m different: unlike Lisa Demuth, I have no prior political experience” platform. (“For 20 years, we’ve repeated the same failed strategy: nominating candidates for governor drawn from the same pool—the Minnesota state legislature. The results speak for themselves.”) I would argue that Jeff Johnson (failed candidate in 2014 and 2018) was better known for being a Hennepin County Commissioner than a State Legislator, but I guess it is accurate that they were all legislators. (So was Tim Pawlenty, the last Republican who successfully got elected to the governorship.)
In his bio he says “For the past 15 years, I’ve worked to transform stagnant or declining business units in the pharmaceutical and medical technology industries by introducing transformative strategies.” Does that mean “laying people off”? Because that’s the sort of rhetoric that usually means “laying people off.” I looked him up on LinkedIn and he says his job from 2017-2020 was at “a disruptive AI startup company empowering cancer patients with actionable information to make more informed decisions about treatment options,” which definitely doesn’t not sound like “I laid people off.”
He’s also “founder and president” of a nonprofit called TakeCharge, which is an organization dedicated to the proposition that racism isn’t real and Black people aren’t getting married enough (which is the fault of the liberals). I should note, Kendall is Black. (So is Lisa Demuth. It’s nice to see the Minnesota GOP discovering the value of diversity.) It appears to have one employee other than Kendall. The held a gala in May and the photos are all framed so as not to show very much of the room but it does look like they got at least 18 people to come. It appears that this organization hosts Kendall’s blog (at least I’m assuming he’s the one who writes the blog posts) but I am genuinely uncertain what else they do.
Anyway, here’s the thing about all those former legislators that Kendall trash talks: they have literally any experience with policy, legislation, governance, etc. We did have a governor who arrived with none of that, and while I feel some nostalgic affection for Jesse Ventura, he was not very good at being a governor. I do not think running a business is the same thing as running a state, and the phrase “disruptive AI startup” gives me hives.
Also, his running mate was at the January 6th riot. (He says he left when things turned violent. Dude, you went to DC to try to overturn an election. You wanted to deny the majority of Americans the right to pick our president.)
I haven’t set up a fundraiser for this year yet but you can go buy my new book!
Will Tell Stories For Food 